...the reason for everything.

Sometimes I think that maybe my life is a testimony--a testimony to why Proverbs tells us to "guard our hearts." My heart, full of now-imperfect seams and repaired cracks, continues to break at things I never believed I could experience in my short 21 years on this earth.

I am not one to complain, or to boast my pain. I'm also not one to revel in it, nor have I figured out Paul's joy in suffering.

But I know this sadness through my actions, through my decisions, and through His plan. I do believe that this course my life has taken has had its sinful consequences. But looking back, I cannot always see where my own self led me astray--aside from the fact that it was me doing the leading.

The worst part of all of it? We do not always understand. We have this knowledge, this information, right in front of us. We study it, we thirst for it, we devour His every word. And yet we cannot put this knowledge into practical understanding.

Maybe we aren't meant to understand it just yet.

"Maybe God puts us through hell so we'll long for heaven. Maybe all this pain points somewhere--to our own frailty in facing in, to our need for help, to our longing for a world where everything's made right."
Maybe our hearts were meant to break.
Maybe our lives, our intertwined, sorrowful lives were made that way so that we could experience joy.

If I understand at least this, then I can use my time searching and trusting. I can learn as much as possible. I can suffer, but not be drowned by my sorrows. I can follow where I would rather not go.

If I believe in this, I can have His hope. And that, His hope and bright perfection, is like the sun bursting forth into all of the ugly, tar-like blackness of myself.

another threshold to cross.

Honestly, this past year and a half has been a whirlwind of opportunity and changes in my life. I hardly know where to pinpoint the beginning of this hurricane, and I am not quite sure I am willing to try.

Not only did I switch schools, churches, jobs (multiple times), homes, and relationship status, I also changed my "life plan." [Because I actually have my life planned... haha.]

So, here it is. My new life plan: be prepared to go where He leads. Simply enough, I have always desired to glorify God with my life. Perhaps I have felt my heart softening towards His voice, or perhaps I have grown enough to understand some of what He wants for me as he lays it out... I could not say.

And here I am again. I am waiting to hear His voice. I am standing at the threshold of what may or may not be an open door in a huge way.

There are so many factors involved in this equation. There are so many ways my life could drastically change. There are so many ways that my future life with my husband-to-be will be affected. Knowing all of this makes my head reel and my heart pound.

But I know that there is one deciding factor above all else: His will.

girl in red lipstick.

this happens to be me :)

Marshmallow Milkshakes

2 pints low-fat dark chocolate ice cream
10 berry marshmallows, divided
1 cup low-fat strawberry yogurt

Melt half of marshmallows in microwaveable bowl until you can stir into a creamy mixture. Add into blender or milkshake maker along with ice cream and yogurt.

Blend to preferred consistency.

Add in rest of cubed marshmallows and stir.

Makes 2 milkshakes.
(Recipe by Abigail Learnard and her beau!)

thoughts of a longing heart

It was there, all along. It always has been there. My heart was just blind.

Blindness and ignorance.
Humanly desires.
All disagree with the deepest desire of the soul--love. True, unconditional love.

Yet it is always available to us.
Mercifully available.
As we chase after our dreams and plans... as we leap from emotion to emotion... as we stumble, fall, and are led astray... as our hearts are broken by all these things,

He is there to gather us up, and carry us, and teach us to be like Him.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Again I will build you, and you shall be built." - Jeremiah 31:3-4

A new day in Paris.

So far, this blog has been used for several things: an internet English class, and a photojournalism class. I'll admit that I like all of the photography I've put on here, but in my opinion, that is just not what a blog should be.

In my opinion, MY blog should be about making sense of the life I am living, and the life that my Savior wants me to live.

I cannot emphasize enough the humanness of this life that I have here on Earth, and I also cannnot emphasize the hope I have of becomming like Him. My other hope is that I can be an inspiration and a light to the world, like I am called.

ugly chair.